Chris Kouwenhoven

The top 16 signs your cat is overweight

16. Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.

15. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.

14. Always lands on her spleen.

13. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.

12. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.

11. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.

10. Anna Nicole Smith fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants.

09. Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.

08. Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.

07. It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.

06. "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.

05. Larry King keeps trying to kiss it full on the lips.

04. Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.

03. He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.

02. Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.

01. Has more chins than lives.